A Bitter Pill to Swallow
by Kameka
Summary: A missing scene from “Adrift” – because Gwen is a twit.


Title: Bitter Pill to Swallow

Author: Kameka

Disclaimer: not mine, no money made. Sue me and you get books, a bird that bites, and a huge file of "to write" ideas.

Notes: Read over by Kattie *hugs* who also gave me the title. Thanks. Any mistakes are my own. Written because my plot!Weevil/Werewolf/Nubbin/Bunny reflexes have grown a bit lax and I didn't duck in time. I must work on that…

Summary: A missing scene from "Adrift" – because Gwen is a twit.

*~*

Captain Jack Harkness stood in front of the nicely painted row of houses, his blue gaze looking at each one in turn before setting on the one that was occupied by Nikki Bevan. This was not a meeting that he was looking forward to, regardless of it being the first of its' kind. Taking a breath, he squared his shoulders and strode forward, knocking on the door with authority. It opened quickly to reveal a plump woman with curly brown hair and sad blue eyes.

"Can I help you?"

"Nikki Bevan, my name is Captain Jack Harkness." He waited a moment for a flash of recognition but none came. "I'm with Torchwood." The response was instantaneous, Nikki starting to shut the door without a word, stopped only by Jack putting his foot in it.

"I already told Gwen that I won't – I can't visit Jonah. I'm sorry, I know it's cruel, but I just… I can't."

"Ma'am, I'm not here to persuade you to see Jonah."

"You aren't?"

"Not at all," he smiled a bit, sadly. "Can I come in?"

"As long as you call me Nikki, you can. Ma'am always makes me think of my mother-in-law."

"I can do that," he agreed, stepping inside the home. He waited for her to gesture to a chair to sit, and watched as she began to pace back and forth, stepping quickly around the numerous boxes and garbage bags that littered the sitting room.

"I don't understand why you're here."

"I'm the one who set up the hospital on the island."

Nikki turned sharply, looking at him with wide eyes. "You take care of Jonah?"

"Jonah and whoever else I can," he nodded. "Not everyone can be helped, but those that can be, are."

"And you're Torchwood."

"Yes."

"But Gwen didn't know a thing about it, did she? She wasn't faking it, seeing if I was worthy." The very idea caused an ache in her chest, even though she ultimately had been proven unable to deal with the truth.

"No. Only a couple of people know about the place. Too many people and you run the risk… I'm the boss. I told her to stay out of it, but…"

Nikki nodded a small sob escaping before she raised her hand to her mouth. "But Gwen Cooper knows what's best for everyone." The sentiment was bitter, accusing.

"Sometimes. What she really does is remind us all to be Human, to feel." He took another deep breath. "I didn't want you to go to Flatholm. I never intended for you to ever know he was back."

"And she disagreed with that."

"You're his mother. If anyone deserves to know, to see him, it's you."

"Yesterday, I would've agreed with Gwen," she admitted.

"You did agree with her. That's part of why my telling her to stay out of it didn't work."

"I know," it was soft.

"How do you feel now?"

Nikki shook her head, looking towards the room that had been her son's bedroom. "It's one thing to lose hope gradually, another to have it ripped from you." She closed her eyes, a single tear rolling down her cheek. "I still hear it."

"Things like Flatholm stick with you," Jack agreed.

"You know everyone there." It wasn't a question.

"I personally dealt with the construction workers, vetted the staff. I find and take the patients there… I'm their link to the outside world."

"How do you stand it?"

"Someone has to."

"But why do you have to?"

Jack chuckled, the sound forced and not at all humorous. "I saw a need and I do my best to fill it." He shrugged, knowing that that wouldn't satisfy Nikki. "I used to have a friend, a Doctor. He took me in when he didn't have to and taught me to be a good man. He doesn't always know or care, but I do my best to make him proud, be the kind of man he would want me to be." He shrugged, uncomfortable with how much he had shown to her.

"I don't know how you can stand it," she repeated.

"I do what has to be done," he told her again. "I'd love it if someone else could, but they can't. These people, my team; they're _my_ responsibility. What they do is my responsibility."

"But you didn't stop Gwen bloody Cooper," she charged.

"I tried. It didn't work."

"So you're here to apologize," she questioned, her eyes dark. She shook her head and looked down to the worn carpet. "No apology is going to work," she admitted. "I just can't get that _bloody_ sound out of my head." She looked up at him. "When will it go away?" It was a plea as well as a question, pain visible in her un-shuttered eyes.

"I don't know," Jack admitted. "When I figure it out, I can tell you," he offered.

"No, thank you." She shook her head and stood up from where she had been. "I don't want to see Torchwood again," she whispered, before her voice got stronger. "I don't want Gwen to come with updates on Jonah, or to check up on me. I don't want you to come back and tell me things."

"What if you do want to talk?"

"I won't," she answered, her voice breaking. "God, what type of mother am I, not wanting to know anything about my son? Not wanting to see my son?" She began to cry again. "How can you stand it, being around me?"

Jack was on his feet in a flash, drawing her into his arms. He said nothing, just held her and let her cry onto his blue-clad shoulder. They remained that way for a few long minutes before Nikki pulled away and wiped at her eyes.

"I'm sorry. It's worse than before, believe it or not." She took a deep, shuddering breath and stood up straight. "Was that the only reason you were here?"

"No," Jack answered, reaching into his coat pocket and withdrawing a small bottle. It was the innocuous clear brown that chemists worldwide used, one small pill visible rattling around inside it. "I came to give you this."

"An aspirin for a headache?" Nikki snorted and shook her head. "I think I'd need something a little stronger."

"It's not aspirin," Jack chuckled. "It's a pill called Retcon. It's something that Torchwood developed."

"Retcon? Sounds like something you pick off the bottom of your shoe."

"Name aside, it'll help you. It's an amnesia pill. Take one of these, and you won't remember a thing for the last few days."

"An amnesia pill."

Jack nodded and took it out of the bottle, handing the small white pill to her. "All you have to do it put it into a glass of water – or beer, wine, whatever you want. It'll dissolve completely."

"That seems too simple."

"It works," he flashed a grin. "Trust me on that. Put it in a glass, drink it all and fall asleep. When you wake up, you won't remember a thing for the last few days."

"Really?" Nikki looked down at the white pill she was holding. That something so small could make her forget just like that was unimaginable. That it could beat back the despair of knowing and bring back her hope was unbelievable. She looked up at Jack, pursing her lips. "Why didn't Gwen give me one?"

Jack shrugged. "I honestly don't know." He shook his head. "Either she didn't think that you'd take it or she was afraid you would. Maybe she forgot we had them," he said the lie with a straight face.

"Yet you're giving me one."

"Like I said, my team is my responsibility. That's whether or not they do good or they screw up." He nodded towards the pill. "That'll help you, if you want it to."

"Should I take it?"

Jack shrugged and began to walk through the maze of boxes in the living room. "That's entirely up to you, Nikki. You should do whatever you think is best."

He stopped and turned when he was at the front door, looking back at the woman standing bereft in a room torn to shambles. All around her were the pieces of a life she had made and would never have again. "Nikki?"

"Yes?"

"Regardless of what you decide to do… you were a good mother."

"I was?"

Jack laughed and shook his head. "You loved your son. You raised him to know right from wrong. When he disappeared, you looked for him. You did more then a lot of parents do under the circumstances. Even after forty years, when Jonah came back, he asked about you. He thought about you. He _remembered_ you."

"Forty years…"

"That's how long it was for him. But even if you decide to take the Retcon, Nikki, it doesn't change anything. You're still a good mother."

For once more in his life, he didn't have anything to say to a woman whose life had been shattered by an organization he dedicated his own to. Jack turned around and left the flat.

"I was a good mother," drifted in the breeze.

Jack allowed a bittersweet smile to grace his features before he started his way back to the Hub. If only everything in life could be fixed by a drink and a pill.

The End

Reviews, as always, are welcome.


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